Bruce who?
"I could get away with not paying because this state doesn't have a Governor anyways."
See, because the Governor ensures the enforcement of the state's laws... Anyway, it was then that I saw the cashier's face for the first time. It was Bruce Rauner, and he was giving me a very sour look. I woke up before he could send me away to one of his neglectful nursing homes.
During last week's state budget crisis, I saw an opinion piece from the Chicago Tribune make the rounds on Facebook. It was supposed to be in the vein of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal," wherein the author famously proposed that the Irish poor could sell their children as food for the rich. The Tribune piece, penned by Neolithic conservative John Kass, proposed that our budgetary mess in Illinois was so dire that we ought to do away with the state altogether and slice it up, divvying portions to our neighboring states. But while Swift's essay was genuine straight-faced satire, Kass's was just professionally-paid loathing. He reserved a lot of page space for outright hatred of Illinois Democrats in general, most notably "Boss Madigan," Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, and Cook County Board President Toni "Taxwinkle." He embellished by catering to some downstaters' wildest fantasies by making Chicago and Cook County into their own sovereign nations. It wasn't smart, funny, or creative, really.
Kass is a known quantity in Chicago, though he's more of an agitator than someone who stands on principles. For example, when Jack Ryan's 2004 Senate bid was sunk by his spousal abuse, Kass took the moral high ground; but in the present day he's not uttered a peep about the sexual abuse and adultery in which the current White House occupant has participated. Nor has Kass called Trump out about how much he continues to put down Chicago. I suppose Kass has no reason to defend Chicago, though, since he lives in Western Springs, one of its wealthiest suburbs. I guess such hyperbole and vitriol is expected from commentators like him at this point. But no Chicagoan would ever say he's really on top of things.
My dream gave me an idea for a response to the hatchet piece on our state, though. If Kass wants to get rid of Illinois because Democrats are the problem... how about instead, we just get rid of the office of Governor? I mean, what do we need a Governor for, anyways? All the current one has done is set the record for the longest state budget impasse in U.S. history. His 'Turnaround Agenda' went absolutely nowhere - not even towns in beet-red DuPage County would endorse it (the County itself never even considered it). According to the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute, the voters disagree with Rauner by huge margins on the graduated income tax and the millionaires' tax. He follows in Trump's footsteps by painting Chicago as a poorly-managed dump while offering no real solutions to the problems it faces. His office described funding its public schools as a "bailout." His commission on governmental consolidation produced a report that had very little to do with consolidation and more to do with his beloved 'Agenda.' I sat in on some of that committee's meetings; good people were on that committee, people I know and trust, smart folks who know a thing or two about local governments. It's a shame their effort and knowledge was so easily set aside.
So, John Kass, why even have a governor around, anyway? Clearly he's the problem. I know you've got to back him because your paper endorsed him and they write your paychecks. But set your subscriber-funded career aside a moment and let's examine this proposal rationally.
Article V of the Illinois Constitution creates the Executive Branch of our state government, which consists of the Governor, the Lieutenant Governor, the Attorney General, the Secretary of State, the Comptroller, and the Treasurer. Right away we have a couple of parallels to draw. First of all, people have talked about merging the offices of Comptroller and Treasurer to save money and increase efficiency, so already there's one executive office we could get rid of. Second, a lot of folks have also talked about getting rid of the Lieutenant Governor's post too. This is mostly because the Lieutenant Governor doesn't do much except become the Governor in case the holder of that office is removed. And that's happened a lot in our state, remember. We're good at putting Governors and former Governors in jail, John.
The Governor's duties could be readily reassigned to other agencies and officials, anyway. Ensuring the faithful execution of the law isn't something the Governor does personally. We have the police and administrative agencies to fill that role. Get rid of the Governor and those agencies would still remain. The hiring and firing of the heads of those agencies could be undertaken by a bipartisan commission set up by the General Assembly. They already have to consent to most of those appointments anyway. Granting pardons isn't necessary anymore since 1. Illinois has abolished the death penalty, and 2. we already have the Presidential pardon. Preparing and submitting a budget? The current Governor has not done so for years now, so obviously it's something we can do without; just let the General Assembly own that process too. The only other constitutional duty the Governor has is to give the State of the State address, a windy and useless exercise that nobody watches anyway. It won't be missed.
What do you think, John? If it's checks and balances you're worried about, there's still the courts to rein in the General Assembly. If the people have a problem, they can always vote the bums out, right? Republicans should be able to win elections no matter how the districts are drawn, if their ideas have merit.
I trust that anyone reading this proposal is imagining a huge "wink" emoji after every sentence. Naturally I don't believe in it one iota, nor clearly as much as Kass believed in his own silly diatribe. I'm only answering stupid with stupid, both because it's fun, and because I want the Governor to start doing his job... instead of disturbing my sleep.
Comments
Post a Comment